Is Your Marriage Half Full or Half Empty?

Alhamdulillah.

[Silence]

So continuing in the narration of Abbass regarding the story of the rebuilding of the Kaa. Of course we are reading this taken from real and the 18th book. So second to last book the book of almanat the book of miscellaneous and general stories and 99% of all that I speak of especially after isha I try to always take from why because you all have access to it everyone has access to the Elder Salen. And everyone is highly encouraged to always go back home, read these things, reread them, review them. As a matter of fact, is a book that everyone should have right on their nightstand as soon as they wake up in the morning. Give it a half an hour along with your portion of Quran that you recite. And every night before you go to sleep, you read as well of now we discussed up until the part where Ibraimis came back to visit his son is after he had grown up. Now, as we mentioned this particular wording of the narration, if you were to only take this wording, it would seem that Ibraim left and is when is an infant and came back after is had already grown up and gotten married. And this narration doesn't mention any visits in between. So a question a question may occur a person may ask does this mean that Ibraim never visited his son Ismael in the entire time until he grew up? The answer is of course not he visited often. And in the Quran, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala tells us in that Ibraim was commanded to slaughter his son is when he was a young boy. So he was above the age of a toddler under the age of puberty, right? And there are a number of narrations addresses this in his book and he mentions a narration on the authority of reported by that used to visit at least once a month on bak. The same bak that our prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam used to travel from Mecca to to Alah and Ibraim was living where at that time in Hashem around Aar which is so poetic right because it really ties up everything at the end. Imagine Ibraim comes out here to the middle of this desert in Mecca. He leaves his offspring to Allah. He goes back to Hashem. He comes and visits on Alak. And then finally the the fruit of his offspring.

[Arabic recitation]

Back on the same bak to al and then he climbs into the heavens and meets Ibraimisam. Incredibly poetic. And so the point here is that Ibraim came back the first time he found his wife there and and is out hunting and she didn't know who he was. and you know he asked about his mim. She said, "Well, he's out hunting and he said,"Well, how are you guys living?" Now, mind you, he's a stranger to her, right? He doesn't she doesn't know who he is. And she starts to complain. Oh, we're living so tough. Things are hard. you know, we're living so you know, we're living in in hardship, etc. And and Ibraim is listening. And then after this, he tells her when is returns, tell him I said salam and tell him I said to change the threshold to his home. And then he left and is returned. He says, "Did anybody come looking for me today?" She said, "Yes, as a matter of fact, an elderly man, but he was very well put together. He came asking about you." He said, "Well, what did he what did he say?" Well, he asked how we were living. And I told him that we were living tough. I told him the truth, right? This is this is how I told him the truth. I said how it was, right? because this is not something that if she's complaining to a stranger, she's obviously complained to her husband before. And he said, "Did did she say did he say anything more?" She said, "Yes." He said, "To say a sadm to you and to change your threshold." He said, "That's my father and you are the threshold and he has commanded me to divorce you and part ways with you." Now if we take a stop here we see that what is the point here of this narration? Why is the prophet Muhammad sallallahu alaihi wasallam telling us about this the threshold? Think of that think of that analogy that he's giving. The wife is the threshold of his home. She represents his home. She is his first impression to his home. And this threshold needs repair. It is not appropriate for a messenger, the son of a messenger. And so he divorces her. He marries again. Ibraim returns again. Is not there. And he asks how they are living. She doesn't know Ibraim. She says, "Alhamdulillah, we are living well in Allah's grace, etc." And he asked her, "What do you predominantly eat here in this land?" She said, "We eat predominantly alle meat, predominantly meat and water. And Ibraimisam made dua for the meat and water and all of their diets at that time. Our prophet sallallah.aii wasallam said at that time because the city of Mecca was still just a little village and it had not grown to the point where it can import yet. They did not eat and they did not have a steady importation of you know things beans and wheat and grains and so forth. So Ibraim made dua for what they had. The prophet sallall.aii alaihi wasallam tells us that one of the specifics of Mecca is that its meat and its water particularly are mubarak in Mecca. What would take two portions to fill you up outside of Mecca will take only one in Mecca because of the dua of Ibraim. Now this woman when she was asked she focused on which part of the glass the glass is half full the glass half empty. We know this right? The the analogy of pessimism and optimism right? The optimist looks at the half full part of the glass. They describe the same glass as half full. And the cynical, the cynicist or the pessimist will describe the glass as half empty. Correct? Now in Islam, what are we taught? We are taught to always focus on the good. And if our eye ever starts to stray from the blessing of Allah, we are always to look to those who are more fortunate or less fortunate. less fortunate. Listen to what our prophet sallall.aii wasallam says. He says he says that I lost my train of thought. He says man.

[Silence]

He says that if a person rises in the morning safe, healthy and has enough food and water for that day, it is as if the entirety of the dunya has been rolled up and placed at his feet. What more could you ask? And the prophet Sam says in Muslim,.

[Silence]

He said, "Always look to those who are less fortunate than yourselves and never look longing to those who are more fortunate than yourselves. Because if you practice this, it is more likely that you will not belittle the blessing of Allah upon you. You got problems, tell me your problems and I'll produce a man that has twice those problems. And if he tells me his problems, I'll produce another that has twice his problems and so forth. You have one leg, I'll bring you a man that has no legs. You have no legs, I'll bring you a man that has no legs and no hands. You have no legs and hands, I'll bring you a man that has no legs and no hands and no eyes. And so it goes. Everyone is faced with half empty and half full glass. Everyone. We are to hyperfocus on the half full. Hyperfocus. This is not something that's natural. Human beings don't naturally do this. Human beings naturally are negative creatures. Do you know why humans are so negative? Why they are so naturally pessimistic? Why humans are so naturally cynical? Do you know why? Because of fear. Fear is what drives our cynicism. We want things to be better, better, better because we are so afraid because we are surrounded by death and misfortune. And so optimism, being optimistic, looking at the half full part of the glass, this is driven by courage. hyperfocusing on the half empty part of the glass. This is driven by cowardice. And so my brothers and my sisters, this goes for everything. This is across the board. This is not just on your clothing, your well-being, your livelihood, your life, also your spouse. This is something you have to train yourself to do. When you get married, you're going to start to be introduced to another human being that has good qualities and bad qualities. Every human being has good qualities. Everyone had good qualities, did he not? Of course he does. Pure evil, it doesn't exist. Even El has good qualities somewhere. I'm sure he raises his children and tells them he loves them and all these things. Every every living creature has negative and positive, has an element of evil and good. When you are introduced to this spouse, you're going to start to see negative things. You're going to start to see positive things. Listen to what your prophet tells you. You want to keep your marriage together. Listen to what he says. He says, for.

[Silence]

In the narration of the prophet sallall.aii Wasam said, "No believer, no believing man is ever to hate any believing woman. If he dislikes some aspect of her character, he needs to look for an aspect of her character that he admires." This goes for men and women. And this is a conscious effort that you do right away, not in the long run, not tomorrow. When you're angry with your spouse, when you see something that you hate, immediately you need to train yourself to think of something that you to counter this thing that you hate. Right? I hate that my husband leaves the towels on the ground after he comes out of the shower. I hate it. Well, say that. Alhamdulillah. But he does do this over here, right? He doesn't leave hair in the sink. Whatever. This is just a a silly a silly example. But the point is is that we always have to force our eyes to look back at the good. Otherwise, you become hyperfocused on the bad and a messenger of Allah would advise your spouse to change you out. Yeah. Imagine yourself. Imagine Ibraimisam came to visit your home. What would he tell your spouse? What message would he tell you to give your wife? What message would he tell you to give your husband? This is very important especially for our sisters. What is the message that Ibraim would tell you to tell your husband? keep the threshold or change the threshold. It's something you have to be honest about. And if you're honest, this is when you will become better. You know, if we sit around non-Muslims all the time and we breathe their air and we we start to get infected with the way that they look at the world, it's not okay for us to just kind of passively say, "Well, you know, Muslim, non-Muslim, you know, everybody's trying. What's the big deal?" No, no. There could never be a bigger difference between a true Muslim and a non-Muslim. They are so stark opposites. And if you sit too long and it and and and you know subject yourself to their way of seeing the world, you'll start to see the world in the same way. And what is that? A stomach that can never be satisfied private parts that will never be quelled. Allah says about those who disbelieve in Allah, Allah says leave them to eat and play and be sidetracked and distracted with hopes and dreams. This is the world that they live in. So the Muslim starts to learn. sister goes on Tik Tok, goes on Facebook or face whatever it is, she sees a video of someone that says, "You know, the way I see the world, when my husband does this, I say this, and this is what I think about this. Who is this person?" Allah, she could have just crawled out of hell right now and gotten a cell phone and started talking. We don't know who it is, but it sounds good at the moment. But the sister's strong enough to reject that. Then the second one and the third video and the fourth video and the first month and the second month and the third month and you start to learn how to only look at bad things around you. That truly is the epitome of punishment from Allah. That's your own personal hell. The prophet sallall.aii wasallam he says for.

[Silence]

Listen to these two things. We'll end with this. the prophet sallall.aii wasallam says that whoever's focus is the hereafter. Allah will make his affairs orderly and he will place his wealth in his heart for him and the dunya will come to him to his feet in spite of itself and whoever's hyperfocus is this dunya Allah will make his affairs scattered and he will place his poverty right in front of his eyes. Everywhere he looks, he can only see his poverty. He can't see anything that is good. All he can see is what he wishes he had. He looks at his children, he wishes someone else's children. He looks at his cars, he wishes a different car. He looks at his house, he wishes a different house. Looks at his wife, wishes a different wife. Looks at his masid, wishes a different masid. Looks at his shoes, wish This is a disease, he says. And the only thing that will come to him after all of that of the dunya is what Allah had already written for him. Nothing more. You're straining yourself. And at the end, you know what? You get only what Allah wrote 50,000 years before the creation. And we always talk about the grass is greener on the other side. You want to hear a story? Very quick story. You'll this story. I know we go a little bit over time, but I see everyone is listening. Very quick story. So in 2013 or 2012 thereabouts, there was a man and a woman that were married in Bosnia, Muslim, and they started to grow apart. They're married, but you know what they say, we grew apart. No, no, no. You grew bored. That's what happened. It's not a part. It's boredom. And so they got bored with each other. So the man went on a dating app trying to find another wife. And the wife went on a dating app trying to find another husband. You know what her handle was? Huh? Bosnian Princess. This is the psychology we're dealing with here. And so Bosnian princess jumps on the internet and some what do they say? Some some guy some suitor slides into her DMs, right? So she's talking now to this guy and this guy is perfect. This guy is everything she wanted. and he started to hook up with another girl on the internet. And this girl is everything he wanted. Now, notice what's happening here. He's in one room chatting with a woman that he is not married to and finding his solace and complaining to her about his wife. She's in another room talking to some strange man complaining about her husband. They're in the bed physically together, but separately they couldn't be more separate. And so one day the time comes for our Bosnian princess to go meet Mr. Perfect. a few months later. It was two or three months. And so they are to meet in some park or some place. She gives him an excuse. I have to go wherever. You know, she's not telling her husband she's going to meet another man. She gives some excuse to go. And when they go to meet, who is there waiting for her at the park? her husband. You can't make this stuff up. It writes itself. They had no idea that this whole time they were talking to each other. The whole time he thought he was talking to Bosnian princess and Bosnian princess thought she was talking to Mr. Perfect. And actually they were talking to each other, complaining to each other about each other. Now if this happened to you, what lesson would you derive from this? I mean the lesson almost forces itself. It could not be any more clear, any more on the nose that everything that you need is potentially there in your wife. Everything that you need is potentially in your husband. Did they look at this and thinkahillahill, what am I to learn from this? You know what happened two months later? They filed for divorce. You know what they filed on their divorce papers? That they cheated on each other. He said that he she cheated on him. She said he cheated on her. Irreconcilable differences. This is a true story. This really just kind of captures the essence of the human nature. If a human being had a valley of gold, he'd wish there were two. A wife can make herself everything her husband wants. She has to desire to do that. And a woman can see everything she wants in her husband. She has to make herself do this. And a man and his wife. This is possible. When you are upset with your spouse, you see something that think back to when you first met, how excited you were and all the butterflies in your stomach and how you couldn't wait for this person to speak to you. That's still the same person. The same person you were excited about is still the same person. It didn't change. You just learned other things. Do not confuse boredom with you know do not confuse boredom with falling out of love. Usually our Saturday or Friday talks after are just about 10 minutes but we went a little bit over today for the sake of the occasion and inshallah we will continue this narration tomorrow evening. You know, Muhammad.