Why Your Ramadan Resolutions Always Fail

Alhamdulillah.

[Silence]

One of the things that everyone does in lie of a big event, a big time that's going to come and pass, a special time is we make resolutions to ourselves. Resolutions. We say that when this time comes to pass, I'm going to be or I'm going to do or I'm not going to do etc. And this is normal. There's nothing wrong with this per se. However, the reason that these things don't often come through and they usually fall apart and they usually are not met. These goals are not met and achieved is because the goals that are set are one of two things. They're either too big or they're too vague. What am I speaking about? Well, of course, we understand that Ramadan is very close. It's coming in couple weeks inshallah. And everyone has certain resolutions that we make. We want to be better. We want to change things about ourselves. We want to do better. And so we make these resolutions and we make these solemn oaths with ourselves and oftentimes with Allah that when Ramadan comes this year, I'm going to do X, Y, and Z and I'm not going to do X, Y, and Z and I'm going to be and so forth. So again, everyone does this. That's fine. The problem is is how many times is it actually followed through with rarely. And the reason is because the goal is too big or the goal is too vague. It's not clear. You don't have a set plan. Imagine if I thought or if I decided I'm going to take a trip to Phoenix and I don't prepare myself before the trip, but on the day of the trip, I just wake up, jump in the car, and start driving. I drive whatever direction feels the best direction. I drive whichever direction feels best. I don't have a map. I don't have a plan. I don't have myself prepared for that. I just jump in the car and start driving. But I'm really really have I have a very good intention. My intention is super pure. I have no ulterior motives. My only intention is to get there. And I drive really fast and really hard. I do it really good. What are the chances that I'm going to get there? Very, very slim. This is the problem that we often are faced with. we get to Ramadan, we want to take this trip. But instead of us preparing properly, instead of us having a plan, having a reasonable plan, having a detailed plan, we just jump in the car and start driving around. And so a lot of us don't get there. Change is something that is incremental. Any real change, fundamental change, it's incremental. It's over time. How long did it take Allah to create the heavens and the earth? How many days?

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Ta'ala not have just created the heavens and the earth and just have them pop into existence ready to go?

[Silence]

Allah describes himself If he desires something, if he wills something, he says to it, "Be and it is, but instead he created the heavens and the earth in six days over time." And he made it a point to tell us this throughout the Quran, six days to teach us the nature of this world. This world is not a sudden thing. Things don't just pop in and out of existence. Behavior has to be learned. I want you to imagine your time and who you become in Ramadan a muscle that you're trying to make stronger, which is the case for any discipline. You can't just immediately wake up stronger, wake up different. If I wanted to start to lift weights or I wanted to start to train for something, I can't just go in the weight room, put as much weight on the machines as I possibly can, and work myself to to bits. That's not sustainable. And it doesn't really help anything in the long run. As a matter of fact, it'll most likely hurt me. It'll make me sick. And the next time I think about working out, that's going to be daunting, nightmarish, leaves a bad taste in my mouth. That's not how we achieve things. When we are approaching Ramadan now, many of us have these resolutions. Number one, and we're going to take three points. The first point, you don't have to wait for Ramadan to start for you to start being who you're promising to be. You don't have to wait till Ramadan starts. I'm going to read the Quran every day. I'm going to pray at night. I'm going to do this and that. You don't have to wait till Ramadan. You can start right now. And as a matter of fact, if you want to make it through Ramadan doing these things that you are hoping to do and accomplishing them, you need to start now. You need to start now changing those habits and changing the routine so that by the time Ramadan comes, you are already in that routine. That's number one. So the first point, you don't have to wait till Ramadan to do these things. Number two is the plan or the goal is too big. It's too big. If a plan is too big and too vague, it's not going to usually be obtained. My plan can't just be I want to be a good Muslim. Great. That's, you know, everybody wants that. But how am I going to do that? I want to go to Jenna. Fantastic. What is your plan to get there? Not just general specific plan to get to paradise. What is it? Which door of the doors of paradise are you are you aiming for? How many doors of paradise are there? How many?

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Are these doors of paradise for? Each one. Yes.

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Characteristics that a person embodies. You have a door for salah. For the people that excel in salah, you have a door for zak. You have a door or charity. You have a door for fasting. For those who are most excellent at fasting, which one of those doors do you have your eye on? You should have one, there should be one of those doors that you are planning to go through. If your plan to get to Jenna is just I want to go to Jenna, inshallah, fantastic. That's that's a great plan. I mean, that's a great goal, but it's not a realistic goal. Anyone who has a realistic goal knows that the goal has details. What are the details? What are you going to do in the first year? What are you going to do in the first five years? Where what do you want to be doing in the next 10 years? What's your plan? What's the exact way that you're going to get there? This is paramount importance that a person have a goal that's reasonable and a goal that's detailed. And often times we jump the gun and we start too big. We want to wear 10 hats at the same time. But that's not how it works. We don't need to wear 10 hats. We just need to wear one really well. And we need to start at the basics. Let me ask a question. What is the real spirit of fasting? What's the real point of fasting? Is it about not eating and not drinking? Is that really the point of fasting? Well, then what is it? What is fasting for? What are you fasting for? It's not.

[Silence]

That's not the point. The point is tawa. It's for you to learn tawa. And tapa starts with the basics. Let's say I were fasting in the day of Ramadan and I forget and you know out of habit I get thirsty. I go to the sink. I pour a glass of water and I drink it. And then I remember, oh goodness, I I'm fasting. What do I do? Tell us, Miriam, you still fast. Did I break my fast by doing that? Cuz I forgot, right? Okay, that was a glass of water. Let's say I'm fasting. I get really hungry and I forget that I'm fasting and I jump in my car and I drive to the gas station and I buy a Snickers bar and I eat it and I enjoy it. Am I still fasting or not? I forgot. I only remembered after I finished eating it. Am I still fasting or not?

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Forgot. I forgot.

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You get hungry. You got a minute, right? And I go ahead and eat a candy bar. Yes. Miam. Again. I forgot. And then I remembered after. Am I still fasting? Yes.

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Enjoyed it. So, I have to drink the glass of water hating it. When I'm drinking it, I have to be thinking, "Man, I hate this water. I hate this candy bar. I wish I I wish candy bars never existed." Is that it?

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H I mean there's no difference between the first question and the second question. The answer is I'm still what?

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I'm still fasting because I forgot. Okay, here's another question. I get hungry and I'm fasting and I forgot and I go to the buffet and I eat a five course meal.

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Nobody reminded me. I'm I'm living alone and to me it's just a regular day. I jumped in the car, went to the buffet, and I ate and I ate and I ate and I ate. And then at the last bite, you know, at the buffet, you you finish everything and then you've got your dessert, you've got your ice cream, you've got whatever, and then I'm looking there and I've got one last bite of my dessert left. And then I remember, oh my goodness, I'm fasting.

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As soon as I remembered, I stopped.

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The answer is yes. I'm still fasting because I forgot. I mean, it's unlikely. It's an unlikely scenario, but that's the ruling. A guy goes into the market, buys a bag of grapes, forgets, he's eating, eating. He gets to the last grape and he says, "Oh man, I'm fasting." But then he's not going to throw this one grape away. Right? There's one grape. I've already ate a pound.

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Broke his fast?

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Of grapes. The last grape broke his fast. So what do we understand from that? When when the prophet tells us sallallahu alaihi wasallam that if you forget and eat or drink something then continue fasting because Allah has fed you. That's what he said. That's what the prophet said. If you forgot then it's Allah that fed you. But why would Allah feed you while you're supposed to be fasting? The answer is that fasting is not about what? Eating and drinking. That's just the bare minimum. That's not the real spirit of fasting. Fasting is not about eating and drinking. Fasting, true fasting is about not doing something that is haram during your day of fasting. Now let's take the same question. Let's say a person is fasting and forgets and then does something haram while he's fasting. forgot he was fasting. Then he started to backbite someone or he started to slander someone or he told a lie or he looked at something haram or he stole something or he hurt somebody while he was fasting. Does this person still get a sin for that? Do you do you still have a sin written against you for doing that? Even if you forgot, yes. So if you're fasting and you forget and eat something, no sin. But if you're fasting and you forget and disobey Allah, the sin is written against you. Why? Because that's the point of fasting. Listen to this narration. We only got a couple minutes left. Listen to this narration. Our prophet Sam, he said true fasting is not to just fast from eating and drinking. True fasting is to not do something haram or do something that is unproductive. That's what true fasting is. True fasting is that you don't do what is haram. So let's say our allegiance or our Ramadan resolution instead of our Ramadan resolution being I'm going to turn into a saint this Ramadan. I'm going to read the Quran 10 times. I'm going to make salah all night. I'm going to do this and that. What about if our resolution was just I am not going to do anything that I know to be haram this Ramadan while I am fasting. No bad habits. Anything that I know that is haram, I'm going to not do it while I'm fasting. And I am not going to do anything that is unproductive while I'm fasting. That's a waste of time. That will kill time. I'm only going to do that which is productive and that which is halal. If a person did this, how much would they change during this month of Ramadan? I mean, honestly, really change. And that's really what the point of Ramadan is. Fasting is only one part of Ramadan. Fasting is just so that you can get purified from sins so that when the nighttime comes and you hear the Quran, it will reach parts of your heart that were otherwise in darkness. That's the point of Ramadan. I mean, listen to this. And isn't it interesting that Allah described the month of Ramadan? He said Ramadan. So he said the month of Ramadan in which the Quran was revealed. It's strange because when Ramadan is mentioned, we usually think about fasting, right? But that's not what Allah described it as. If you were to describe something, you describe it what by what it's most known for. It wasn't described as the month of fasting. It was described as the month of the Quran. That means that fasting is only a part of it. Ramadan is really about the Quran and all this fasting in the daytime. It's to purify you, to expedate sin, to get you out of your comfort zone, to shake your world up a little bit, so that when you nighttime comes and you hear the Quran, it's coming upon a pure and regenerated heart, a purified heart. That's the whole point of Ramadan. And so if you were to just take an oath that I will not do anything haram, I'll try my best. Everybody makes mistakes, but I try my best during the daylight hours to break all those bad deeds, all those bad habits during the fasting hours and then just come to salah and listen to the Quran. You have done more than most people could ever hope to achieve during Ramadan. So we'll talk about next week about some rulings with respect to Ramadan. This week we wanted to just really think about what the point of this month is to prepare ourselves in the right way so that if we don't keep making resolutions that we break just like you know people make New Year's resolutions this year I'm going to lose weight and then they get fatter that year. this this year I'm going to settle down and get married and then or I'm going to fix my marriage. They end up getting divorced that year or this year I'm going to learn a skill and they end up becoming more lazy than they ever have in any previous year. Why? Because the plan is too vague. because there was no detail to the plan. And number three, they waited until the new year to start. If you want to start something, you start now. Practice now. By the time it comes, you will ease into it. You don't just go to sleep on the last night of Shaen and wake up the next day and all of the sudden everything changes. That's not how change happens. not meaningful change anyways. So we will take a stop there inshallah we have some other things going on program but next week we'll have some of the rulings of Ramadan. If you have any questions and Friday night is about the youngsters. If you have any questions, prepare them for next week inshallah.

[Silence]

I have a question. So, last time I I slept in the I slept in the shower and she wouldn't keep volume about 10 of them.

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