Why Listening Matters More Than Words When Visiting the Sick

Thank you for joining us thank you for joining us this evening on our latest installment in in bad this great book of really just comprises the heart and the most important parts of the sunnah of the prophet salallahu not just the most important parts but nearly every aspect of the prophet sallallahu alaihis life to the best of the ability of its author and its author's ability was very awesome and exceptional so this book was authored by shem sadin and he wrote this book on his way to hajj traveling he had no references he had no books with him and everything that he wrote was from memory five volumes in total over 3 000 pages and he quoted from over 200 different sources and almost comprised the entirety of the sunnah of the prophet along with detailed arguments detailed issues of hadith and minutia with regards to filk and differences of opinion and so forth and so of course subsequently this book henceforth became the reference point of anyone who wrote about the sunnah of the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam was an exceptional mind of the islamic world and the islamic scholarship and one in probably about one in a few very very rare minds that are as bright and as broad and as well researched and well gifted to be able to write such a work and so even the most comprehensive books and the most major of scholars of islam after would refer and reference his book and that is with regards to anything having to do with the sunnah of the prophet alaihi wasallam issues of hadith issues of seerah if issues of issues of differences or seeming contradictions issues that he was very good with harmonizing all of the narrations in the sunnah of the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam and so tonight insha allah and probably the week to follow we are going to be discussing the issue of illness and how the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam would visit and tend to the ill so visiting the ill which is referred to as that you were to visit the ill and try to console the ill this is something which is an obligation upon each muslim upon his brother or sister the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam said famously in the narration in sahih al-bukhari that the right of the muslim upon the muslim are five and one narration he list them as five and one of them if he falls ill then you are to go to visit him to console him to make contact with him if a person has some kind of infectious disease that it can be transmitted things like we've seen recently with the coronavirus or other ailments that can be easily transmitted airborne viruses and so forth a person doesn't have to go in person this can be accomplished alhamdulillah by merely contacting the person via telephone or text message or email or any of these things person can even have conversations on video chat to make sure that they instill in their brother and their sick sister their sick brother a sense of community a sense of love a sense of togetherness that you are ill and by your illness we are pained and we recognize your illness we miss you and we hope the best for you as an act of good will one muslim to the other and this is something which is unfortunately dropped off and become very superficial in our time a person might fall ill they'll get the run-of-the-mill text message how are you doing i heard you're sick i hope you feel better i mean and visiting the ill is a lot more involved than just mere superficial dua superficial i mean the prophet.

[Arabic recitation]

Would visit anybody that was ill as long as he had the ability and the capacity to visit them if he heard that this person was ill even if it was an infant even if it was a baby in order to console the parents of the child this is important it's important that the person is instilled with a sense of comfort it's not enough to merely just say you know i hope you feel better blah blah blah may allah heal you i mean this kind of thing this kind of superficiality is not sufficient with regards to visitation of the ill visitation of the ill is much more involved than that there is an element of consoling the person seriously listening to the person not just feeling you have some thing you have to say just to make yourself feel better it's all about making the sick the person who is ailing feel better and most of that has to do with not speaking at all and actually listening that a person may have some complaint a person may have some venting to do and that you would sit there and listen and you would be amazed the amount of relief that a person can gain by a single nod of recognition from you if you just merely listen to them undistracted and nod your head recognizing and validating their pain or validating their hardship this works wonders with regards to release of emotion and giving bolstering a person's confidence and a person who is ill has to maintain confidence has to maintain strength a fighting a fighting and a surviving mindset in order to survive the illness or at least remain optimistic during the illness remain optimistic with allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and as we are in the earth allah subhanahu wa'ta'ala and he referred to as a khalifa in the earth a successor in and a representative of allah subhanahu wa ta'ala in the earth so when the muslims show up to visit the ill or when they reach out to visit the ill it should not be just merely some superficial glazed over get well card this is not enough this is not what is required when you are visiting your brother or sister or you're making contact with him or her what is required is to console the person to show solidarity so to show support to show sincere recognition of this person's hardship and this person's pain and this person's tribulation this is why the per prophet salallahu alaihi was said that the believers are one body if one part is in pain the rest of the body reacts and suffers from fever and insomnia why because the rest of the body is affected honestly truly affected by what ails this finger or this toe or the ear or any extremity or any organ so it's important that we understand that we keep the spirit of visiting the ill this is something that we have slipped into a kind of complacency kind of when we ask each other how are you we don't really listen to the answer we say how you doing how is it going how is your family et cetera et cetera we're just going down a list why because this is what is proper but very few people actually listen to the answers and because of that there is a growing sense of loneliness amongst the muslims and there is a fragmentation between them these are the kinds of acts which speak much more profoundly than words do if we look at the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam's life and we look at 23 years of prophethood 23 years as a prophet imagine 23 years with companions like the companions of the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam how much could he have said and how much could he have done in 23 years if you were to document for example just your words for one year how many pages would it fill how many volumes would it fill how many gigabytes of data would that be yet when we look at the time that the prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam spent as a prophet and a messenger of allah and we look at the dutifulness of his companions in documenting everything that he said and did and did not do right and we take all of that into account we see there's a disparity between the amount of time he was a profit and the amount of information that we have the information that we have seems to be relatively low lower than you would expect right so authentic narrations without repetition not counting the chains of narration that are authentic are a little less than forty thousand authentic narrations forty thousand authentic statements or actions or reactions of the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam documented over 23 years that's not that many when you think about it what do we understand from this well we understand that number one most of the prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam's teachings were repetitive he would say the same thing in different ways on different settings in different environments to different people over and over and over in order that people would have this instilled a sense of what he is trying to convey number two most of what he did was with his actions we would see that he would speak very little compared to what he would do he would do a lot and he would speak very little most of what we have are by the way statements that the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam would make or some or addresses that he would address the people with in general and the quran the rest is his actions the way that he carried himself and this was very uniquely repetitive and that is the hallmark of a good a good teacher a good teacher is repetitive of the basics right and a good student is fervent in understanding and rehearsing and reviewing the basics this is what is most important in order to attain mastery so most of his most of the people that were inspired by him were not as inspired by his words as they were by his actions by his attitude by his character by what he did not say what he did right slight issues slight movements the way he would walk the way he would conduct himself and so when he would go to visit someone the prophet alaihi wasallam is a general he is a father he is a husband he is the most busy human being that there is not a moment of his time was in waste right you could never ever be more busy than the prophet muhammad sallallahu alaihi wasallam and his companions a lot of people they kind of imagine the time of the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam and the time of the companions as being very relaxed laid back not much to do you know you're just kind of walking around and sitting under shade shade the shade of trees and hanging out this is couldn't be further from the truth the most busy people right the most packed agendas the prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam had an entire ummah that was resting on his shoulders let alone those who were to follow and he articulated the immensity of this endeavor to his companions and they took it seriously equally as serious and so they would not waste a moment in jest and so in spite of this he would find time to visit the sick visit children when they became ill visit old very old people visit non-muslims when they would fall ill if there was some if there was some hope that these people might accept islam et cetera as we will get into inshallah what i want to really really drive home here is that there should not be just a topical glazed over approach when we deal with our brothers and sisters there should be a sincere earnest heartfelt heartfelt gestures in dealing with our brothers and sisters what does that mean meaning that when we make dua for our brothers and sisters and say something as passive as.

[Arabic recitation]

Dua not just as a superficial this is what i'm supposed to say therefore i say it under these circumstances to be polite and it has no meaning this is not what the ummah of islam was built upon we were a nation of a nation that was not superficial rather a nation of quality and substance everything that we say everything that we do comes from the heart right everything that we refuse everything that we do not do comes from the heart this is could not be driven home could not be more important to us to understand and so we will now after this prelude we will now or this preface we will now get into the way that the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam would deal with visiting the ill and the sick right when we say things to each other i heard you're sick you know and people deal deal with illness and deal with tragedy in different ways some people they really desire support from their brothers and sisters and they're really open and some people during times of tragedy or hardship they kind of close off and they want their privacy and all of this is to be expected people deal with things in different ways sometimes there are people when they become ill they would rather not have so many visitors they would rather just be left to their contemplativeness or their family members and there are some who would desire people to visit them more and are more are felt feel more at ease and that is the point so when we go to visit someone or reach out to someone we need to gauge their enthusiasm to this gesture what would make them feel better would it make them feel better if i just called would it be better for them if i showed up would it be better if i brought other people with me should i come on my own should i send condolences should i call them or is a mere message more something that this person would and each person is different so we have to respect that as well and we shouldn't feel this is something personal people are different different people deal with things differently there are some people who are more private and we should respect that and there are some people who are more social and extroverted and we should understand that as well so when it comes to dealing with our brothers and sisters in times of hardship we gauge what is better for them not what is more convenient or better for me allah says about the prophet salallahu he used to always visit anyone who fell ill from amongst his companions and he also was narrated to have visited a young boy who used to serve him from the people of the book a young jewish boy and this jewish boy actually accepted islam and his final breaths and also his uncle abu talib when he fell ill and he was on his deathbed the prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam went to visit him as well and he invited both of them to islam and the young jewish boy accepted islam and as we know abu talib died as a non-muslim as a disbeliever he says and he used to come close to the person who is sick to the person who was ill the person he was visiting if it is not a contagious disease if it is not something that would put him in danger or put his companions in danger he would come close to the person who is ill way edgeless and he would sit close to the person's head meaning expecting this is of course in the case where a person is laid down he wouldn't sit at the edge of the in the corner of the room or far away as if you know i don't want to touch you i don't want to come near you he would show that closeness and that sincere earnest concern for the person so he would come close to the person and sit up close to the person's head and he would ask the person how do you feel how are you what is ailing you how are you feeling and this is something i want to make sure that we understand when you ask these questions listen to the response right actually listen don't just hear the person and go on with your conversation sometimes the best conversation and the most rewarding thing you could do for your muslim brother or sister is just to listen to listen even for a half an hour or an hour you listen to them attentively as you would want others to listen to you if you were venting right and it's sad because now we have therapists and shrinks and psychologists that we pay money to for them for someone to listen to us so we pay them money so we can sit and talk and hear them just to see somebody listening to us right people are going on forums and going on chat rooms and just to get stuff off of their chest and have somebody listen to them or somebody somebody recognize their pain or discomfort or calamity or hardship or conundrum or whatever it is right so a lot of times we fail to listen and listening is one of the most important things you can do sometimes even myself or anybody else a person of knowledge or there's times when i you know your problem is something that i can't help you with right whatever the problem is it could be a personal problem that's something that you have to overcome and there's no one else who can do it for you and i can't fix your problems for you but at least i can listen and i may have something to say and i may not right if a person asks for advice i may have good advice for them and i may not i may say you know i i may listen and at the end come to realize that this is something beyond my realm or something that i have nothing positive or anything constructive to say and the prophet salallahu believes in allah in the last day then he is to speak with good or remain silent but you can at least listen to a person's hardships and they will be very grateful to you for that so when you're listening to someone don't try to take over the conversation and try to give them oh you should just do this this this and this and you'll be fine right sometimes that that is actually a more frustrating response because they're not asking you necessarily for you to fix their problem for you for them or they're not asking you they're just asking you to listen to them and it seems simple enough but it's actually very hard to find someone who is good at listening right he says and he would sometimes take his right hand and wipe over the head of the person who is ailing and he would make dua for the person.

[Arabic recitation]

Allah lord of the people do away with thee calamity and ailment and please heal them you are the healer there is no healing but yours shife and your healing is a healing that does not leave behind any ailment if you so will and he would make this and often he would make dua for the person who is ailing three times in threes kamakala allah one of his companions was ill-sad and he.

[Arabic recitation]

It three times oh allah please heal and when he would go to visit the ill one of his standard statements that he would say statements of encouragement to the ailing person to the sick person is that he would say no problem this will be a purification for you by allah's will right no problem this will be a purification for you by allah's will meaning that you are in a state of hardship and a state of illness but don't worry this is not going unrecognized and your pain and suffering is not unrecognized by allah subhanahu wa'ta'ala so you will be rewarded for this and this will be an expiation for your sins by the will of allah so again back to this optimistic approach the glass is half empty the glass is half full yes you are ill but your illness is not ingested it's not for no good reason and so he would instill these kinds of concepts into the person who was ill he would say this is an expiation and a purification for you.

[Silence]

And sometimes he would perform rupiah on the person who is ailing a person who had an infection or a person who was dealing with a mortal wound or some kind of ailment the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam would place his index finger in the dirt and then he would raise it up and say bismillah in the name of allah by thee by the dirt of our land and by the spittle of some of us of of ours this will be a cause for the healing of our ailing by the will of our lord and this is a type of that the prophet salallahu salem would perform he would do this in medina medina is a land that is mubarak and what he means by spital is that when a person does rukia that they they do this kind of blowing of on the person who is ailing and then recite the quran and this is how he would perform rookia allah so thank you for joining us for our half hour this evening alhamdulillah every evening we get together and we discuss the sunnah of the prophet sallallahu alaihi he was 25 or 30 minutes we learn something new and hopefully this can can be a catharsis and an aid for all of us on our journey and a provision for the hereafter insha allah for all of us allah.