When Parents Command Divorce: Islamic Obedience and Limits

Alhamdulillah. Continuing with the narration from Bkari Muslim on the authority of Abbass regarding the rebuilding of the Kaa by Ibraim and his first son isam. This story is mentioned by Allah Subhanahu Waaala in the first half of surah bak. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala recounts the story of Ibraim and is rebuilding the Ka the house of Allah. Now we had arrived at the point in which is dropped off as a an infant with his mother Haj there in the valley of Mecca. And Jabril opened up the well of Zam for them. and the travelers from Jon came traveling by and started to settle there in the valley of Mecca. And is he grew up amongst them and it began to become more and more populated and he learned two very very critical and important skills from them. The two main skills that he learned. Do we remember what they are? Archery.

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And archery. Two of the most unique traits of the Arab culture even up until the time of our prophet sallall.aii wasallam. They are blessed. They are blessed skills. and isam continued to grow and grow until they married one of their daughters to isam. This is where we arrived at. We arrived at the point in the story when is a young man. He's newly married. He's got his wife. He's married into the tribes of Jum and he is in Mecca. and.

[Silence]

Quiet. And so time moves on is married and his mother Haj passes away as usual and is still living there in Mecca in the valley and Ibraimis now comes back to check on his offspring. Now I want you to really think about this. Is an infant last time Ibraim saw him and now he is a young man who's married. He left is there by Allah's command and he came back after is had already grown up and was married and his mother has had passed away. If this were to be viewed through the lens of western culture today, would he be viewed as this M's father under those circumstances? Huh? Say, "You didn't raise me. Where were you when I was, you know, when I needed you when I was a kid? You never came to my baseball games. You never came to my football games." Right? It was just me and my mom against the world. I want you to notice something here. The prophet sallallah.aii Wasallam doesn't even address this issue because fatherhood is it earned or is it by its mere existence to be honored by we are taught to honor fatherhood, motherhood. Are we taught to honor our fathers if they earn fatherhood? Do they earn our honor? Or do we honor our father simply because of the position that they occupy as our father? Meaning does Ibraimisam have any less right as the father of is to him than he does to his other son is who he raised with him. Is he more of a father to this one than that? No. He is both of their fathers and he has the right of fatherhood. This is something very important, a point that many of us, many of us who grow up in a western culture fail to see. Fatherhood is not earned. Fatherhood is a state of being. When a person is a father, we are commanded to honor our fathers, to honor our mothers. Not because they were nice and kind to us. Not because they gave us and and and taught us, but because of the fact that they are our father, that they are our mother and they are owed our obedience and our respect regardless of how they fulfill that position. This is an important point. Ibraimisam comes back. He finds that Hel has passed away. Is out. He meets his wife. He asks about is she says, this is Ismael's wife. She says he went out hunting. He's not here right now. And then Ibraim asked her. He didn't tell her who he was. She doesn't know who this man is. She knows a man came looking for my husband. She didn't know who he is, that this is her father-in-law. He then asks her about their living circumstances. How is life? How are your circumstances? This man is a stranger to her. And so she says, "And so when he asked how are you guys living? How how is your lifestyle?" She said, "We are not in a good position. We are not living comfortably. We are living in a very difficult way." And she started to complain to him. She complained to him. He listened. And then he said, She.

[Silence]

Oh, and sobb listen to her complaints and her venting and so forth. What is she complaining about? She's not complaining about is she's complaining about their circumstances. you know, oh, we don't have the in today's words, we don't have the furniture I and we don't have we have only three bedrooms and we've got so much we need five bedrooms and we're renting still. We should be buying. We should be owning our own house. That kind of that kind of t talk. And so Ibraimisam listened to this and he said when he comes back tell him convey to him my salam and tell him that I said to change his stoop the stoop to his front door and other wordings the threshold which is the opening first part of the entrance of the home. And then he left. Isam came back and he felt something had occurred in his absence. And so he asked her, "Did anybody come by today?" She said, "Yes, actually." An old man came by and he was looking for you and I told him that you were gone. And he said, "Did he ask you anything?" She said, "Yes." He asked me how we're living. and I told him X, Y, and Z. Probably the same thing that she was nagging him about from before, right? They've had this conversation before. And I told him that we are living in difficulty and we're living in this and that. And he said, "Did he tell you to say anything to me?" She said, "Yes." He said, "Now to her, this is a mystery. He said to convey a salam to you." And he said for me to tell you to change the threshold or the entrance of your home. Is said that is my father and he has commanded me with that to divorce you. Go to your parents and he divorced her. Let's take a stop here for a second. Ibraimisam heard how much how much could he have heard? A few minutes of conversation but how much information did he get? He got all the information that he needed. This is a stranger and the parable that he gave the analogy he gave is very critical. Why? Because when a person first and comes up to a home, the first thing he is greeted by is what? The threshold of the home, how that is represented will set up your expectations for the remainder of the home. And so when the wife, the caretaker, the entrance, the threshold of Isma's home, his homekeeper is representing him in this negative way, this is all Iraim needed to hear. Now, are we to understand from this that if a man's father or mother command him to divorce his wife, is he obligated to obey? Is this considered obedience to one's parents? It's a difference of opinion amongst the scholars. The majority of the scholars they say it is obligatory to obey the parents if they have a religious and if they if the mother or the father and especially the father if he has a religious reason that he has commanded his son to divorce his wife then it would be obligatory. This is what they say. What does this mean? A religious reason mean the motivations is the same motivations that Ibraim here have here. And this happened in the prophet's time. Abdullahbari he had a wife that he really really liked and his father Omar said divorce her. And so Iban Omar went and complained to the prophet sallallah.aii wasallam said this is my wife and I love her and so on and so forth but my father Omar has commanded me to divorce her and the prophet sallallahu alaii wasallam said to Omar obey your father and so Iban Omar divorced her. Now the scholars surmise from this this narration is inmedi that a person is to obey his parent in this case. Now the same thing happened in the time of Imam Ahmed Ahmed bham. A man came to him and said, "My father has commanded me to divorce my wife." And he explained to him the situation. And I im Ahmed said to him, "Do not obey him. Don't don't divorce her." And so the man then said, "What about the story of Ib, the one I just mentioned to you?" He said, I im Ahmed said to him Omar, is your father Omar? If your father is Omar, then yes, divorce her. The meaning that the scholars took from this ve very intelligent, very precise understanding. What Im Ahmed is saying and what is understood here is Omar Kab's reasons that he had to command his son to divorce his woman are driven by his knowledge of the Quran and Sunnah driven by his righteousness. This man that came to Im Ahmed his father was not driven by Islam to come to this conclusion. He was driven by what? personal personality, right? I I never this girl. I don't her. Right? But we know that he forms his opinions based on what? Based on his personality, not driven by knowledge of the Quran and Sunnah. Therefore, if a person's father or mother is driven by knowledge of the Quran and Sunnah, your your father is a scholar, your mother is knowledgeable, your father is someone of someone reputable of good standing in knowledge and understanding of the Quran and Sunnah, then yes, it becomes obligatory to obey him in this instance. However, if the driving force is mere personality, then it is not obligatory in this case. And we see this here with who? With Ibraim. If your father is Ibraim and he tells you divorce your wife, what are you going to say? No, this is this is Ibraim. This is and so is immediately obeyed him and rightfully so. We will continue this very lengthy narration tomorrow.

[Arabic recitation]